Must Read Article: What I Learned from HULU SELANGOR BUY-ELECTION

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by

Art Harun

Okay guys. The by-erection is over.

As many of you might notice, I am a history freak. I just love history. I don't know why. But one thing for sure, I like to look at how people behaved or acted before so that I could learn a lesson or two from them in order to enable me to predict how people will behave in the future. I think that's part of the reason why I love history.

What can I learn from the Hulu Selangor buy-election?

1. First and foremost, this buy-erection teaches me the sure fire way on how to get something done in my constituency. Let's say there are pot holes everywhere on the roads leading to my house. Or there is an old abandoned school project (there are everywhere, aren't they?) which stands like a sore thumb in my housing area which has also doubled up as a drug haunt.
   
   Let's say my kids need a laptop each. And the old folks near my house need some help with their monthly expenditures to make ends meet. Or I need some road humps near my house because there are bloody idiots who drive 80kph on roads in housing estates in their Cayenne or whatever behemoth they drive. And I have been writing countless time to my MP to help. But there isn't anything done.
   
   The trick is to ask my MP to resign. Or to pray that he or she would kick the proverbial bucket.
   
   Then a buy-erection would be declared. And oh my God wouldn't all my prayers be answered instantly! The abandoned school project will immediately be revived. All the pot holes will instantly disappear. My kids will get new laptop. The road humps will suddenly grow on the road in front of my house. Like wow wow.
   
   And I tell you what. If Barisan Nasional wins, I could even get to go to Putrajaya to see the Prime Minister who will see to it that a sum of RM3 million or whatever will be allocated for my mosque, Chinese school or whatever. Fooh...like tawdally simply happenin'.
   
   
2. I also learned from this buy-election that many Malays do not know the difference between a "gift" (for which they should be thankful or grateful) and something which they are already entitled to.
   
   Yes. I am talking about the RM50000.00 each paid to 100 FELDA settlers. That money was not a gift from the government. Nor was it a contribution of any sort from the government. That money belonged to the settlers in the first place because their lands have been taken away more than 10 years ago. That money was long due to them. So there was nothing to be thankful to the government for paying it.
   
   I mean, should I thank you if you had taken my Porsche GT3 (note: this is just an example. I do not have a Porsche GT3 or any Porsche for that matter) about 4 years ago and now you pay me 500 bucks for it?
   
   Yes. But the FELDA settlers could not differentiate between the two. They are owed about a million each for their lands. They are now paid 50000 bucks and they thought it was a gift.
   
   What to do?
   
   
3. I also learned that the Chinese people don't give two hoots to the Barisan Nasional or MCA. To them, the BN or MCA can do or say what they like and they just could not care bloody less. If Pakatan Rakyat had put a chimpanzee as a candidate, the majority of the Chinese people would vote for that chimpanzee. Even if Chua Soi Lek was the challenger.
   
   
4. Then I learned that the majority of Indians in Hulu Selangor however are a predictable lot. They would follow whatever the Barisan Nasional say. Even if UMNO rejected their own party's preferred candidate, the Indians would still support BN. MIC had wanted Palanivel. Local UMNO boys preferred Mugilan. UMNO head honchos put in he-whose-name-is-truly-1Malaysia. And they still supported him.
   
   
5. The next thing I learned is the fact that HINDRAF is now more complicated and dynamic than middle-east politics. They have right winged HINDRAF. Then the left. Then the right-leftist and also the left-rightist. Then they have the true HINDRAF. Also the true right, left, right-leftist as well as the leftist-right. Which makes all the other HINDRAF, whether right, left, rightist-right and leftist-right untrue. Then they have the extreme right, which in other word is known as right-right HINDRAF. As well as left-left HINDRAF.
   
   I don't even know who they support. Or whom they are against. I think they should change their party's name to HUH?DRAF instead.
   
   
6. This buy-election has also taught me that Ibrahim Ali is, at the very least, mildly schizophrenic. One minute he wears an Independent MP hat. In this mode, he is an independent MP who is not aligned to anybody or any party. The next minute, he is the PERKASA leader. In this mode, he fights for the Malay rights, kiss his short Keris in public and wave it about town.
   
   Sometime he fights for Islam, or so he says. Of course he forgets that under Islam, human beings are all equal and the only thing which differentiates people in the eyes of God is piety and how he or she adheres to His wishes.
   
   Then he went to Hulu Selangor and campaigned for Kamalanathan, whom, the last time I checked was not a Malay. On this, Ibrahim Ali said he was in Hulu Selangor not as PERKASA leader but as an independent. Now, if he was an independent who is not aligned to anybody or any party, why was he campaigning for the Barisan Nasional's candidate? Didn't that make him aligned to the BN?
   
   
7. Apart from Ibrahim Ali, I also learned that Kamalanathan is also probably a schizo or a very forgetful boy. When Nasir Safar made some statements which he (Kamal boy) deemed racist, he shouted and screamed on his blog that "the authorities should take the strongest possible steps by charging him with sedition."
   
   However, during the bye-erection, he refused comment when asked about Nasir Safar. Not only that, he mentioned that PERKASA's fights for Malay rights is a-okay by him. And this coming from an Indian, who, in the eye of PERKASA, is "second class citizen." Classicus confuse-ious.
   
   In the same blog entry, he also proclaimed that "I think I am more Malaysian than he is." But when he was asked whether he is an Indian first or Malaysian first, if I remember correctly, he refused to answer. (I stand corrected on this as I am writing this purely from memory).
   
   
8. Be that as it may, I am really proud that YB Kamalanathan has mastered and in fact practised one of the scared act in the Malay culture. That is the act of respecting our leaders and elderly persons by kissing his or her hand. YB, I am proud to call you a brahder Bro. And you speak Bahasa Melayu well too. Even better than Zaid Ibrahim. If we ever meet YB, I expect you to kiss my hand okay. After all I am older than you.
   
   
9. Hulu Selangor bai-elecsyen had also given me a peek into the Malay Muslim psyche. Alhamdulillah. And that is, alcohol is a big no no. Yea. Nope. Alcohol consumption is a sin. A very big sin. And repentance is not enough to wash you off that sin. Because alcohol consumption my friend, is drunkenly sinful.
   
   You can plunder the country. Commit adultery with children. Commit murder. Commit breach of trust. Have sex with some sex worker from China or where ever. Marry a nice trophy wife without telling your first wife. Lie to your wife. Be a hypocrite all the way.
   
   Yes. But drink alcohol? Wooooo, that's sinful Bro. It is sinful unless you did it when you are in Barisan Nasional. HUaHAHaHAHAHaHa... kayu!
   
   
10. The next thing I learned is that Mirzan Mahathir is very clever. All the board members of San whatever parent company had wanted to diversify into some other business rather than concentrate in the business of manufacturing and selling beer (although why they would want to do so is beyond my comprehension when they earn a hell lot of pesos doing so) but they did not know how to do so or what to do.
    They then brought in Mirzan to help them to diversify.
    
    Perhaps they had wanted to diversify into car manufacturing la kot. That's why. But then again, Mirzan must have been one of the smartest diversification strategist around. Caya lu la Bro. You make me stand proud as a Malaysian.
    
    
11. The most important thing that I learn from the Hulu Selangor be-elektion is that the Chinese would get to see the Prime Minister and demand 3 million clams only if the Barisan wins.
    
    
12. Hmmm..."Saiful whatever" is better than the whole Chinese community in Hulu Selangor then.
    Why?
    
    Because he got to see the Prime Minister in his house and there wasn't even a bi-erection. (careful, careful, no pun intended, okay...LOL!!!) Oh sorry, I mean, by-election, not erection.

-Art Harun